don't you just absolutely love it when you're drinking and just one- a singular, lone molecule of H2O goes into your trachea instead of down your throat and then your body's natural reaction is to do that really awful hacking cough in an attempt to get out that molecule that just happened to decide today was the day it wanted to become a lone wolf?

all i wanted was to drink my cherry koolaid, satan forbid i enjoy it in full without disruption. just one koolaid. that's all i wanted. there weren't any cold pink lemonades left in my fridge so i put a new pack in and took a koolaid instead. all i wanted, just one little thing, was to enjoy a cold drink at 12 AM in the morning, the middle of the night, in the midst of trying to remember how to do calculus so i don't completely bomb the test bro mccoy decided to throw into the middle of the week.

just a random wednesday morning. an entire test. not even a section quiz. i could survive a section quiz, that's super easy, i usually do really well on those. no. a full test. with e. the natural number.

it causes me so much pain, and for what? for what reason? why do you hurt me so, natural number e? what did i ever do to you? is it because i said you were (approximately) equal to pi one time? or do you just hate me because you can? why?

i just want to be good at calculus. i want to know the silly mathematics. polar equations, pretty cool. you got (r, theta), and x=rcos(theta) and y=rsin(theta) and then tan(theta)=y/x obviously, and then the magic 4th equation of r^2=x^2+y^2. so cute, all of them. delightful.

what in satan's name is a vector-valued function though? genuinely, i can't.

i cannot.

i can knot, but i cannot.

cannot do this.

get this: the derivative of a^x? is a^x * ln(a).

natural number e, silly little guy, produces 1 when you natural log it. so d/dx(e^x) is just e^x. cool. great. good for you, natural number e.
d/dx(xe^x)? not xe^x. it's actually e^x + xe^x. because product rule. which we learned a million years ago. i can't even take a simple derivative correctly. i am going to fail.


i am in my icarus era.

i thought too much of myself, flew too close to the sun, thinking it too magnificent, that i should be up there along with it, and here i go, falling back down into the ocean where i belong. amongst the tides and the waves and the sands, the corals. watch me fall, daedalus, watch me fall. because i am crashing, plummeting, the wax on my wings melting into my back and arms, burning me. how tragic the fall is.


i'm in an english mood tonight, if it isn't obvious. calculus is hurting my brain and i need to metaphor my way out of it.

good night.

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| meverett |.
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